man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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