Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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