I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
