i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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