Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
