Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
