i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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