he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
