1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
