Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
