i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize