woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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