I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
