You're so nebulous sometimes
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
