This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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