My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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