STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
