After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
