my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I love you. Go after that dick
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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