She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
