im drinking this country out of the recession.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
