Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
you made out with another girl for some wings
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
