Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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