i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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