i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
