All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
