You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?