At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.