I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night