okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This is my gift to your gina
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
