My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
