shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Do vagina's smell?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
