now i know why i became what i already was.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
