I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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