And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
