Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
