Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
