so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
