Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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