I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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