just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
