So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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