just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Are my feet made of real feet?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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