we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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