i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
