i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize