I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
