So drunk its hurt
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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