Kiss
Puke
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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