What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
