i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
