I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
