Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
