she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
