idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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