just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
