ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
