are you so shy because you have an std?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
