he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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