Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
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