we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
