we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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