So drunk its hurt
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
