how can u be prego again
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
